Have you ever felt “blah”. Like everything is gray. That’s me lately. I can’t seem to get up enthusiasm for anything. I just want to curl up in bed and read or watch TV. I just want to cry. Truthfully, I don’t know what I want. I have no life goals. No big ideas. I am just here. I get up in the morning, get the kids to school, get myself to work, dredge through the day, get the kids from school, get home and feed them or take them to events, sometimes have a meeting of my own, then go to bed. Just to do the same thing all over the next day. Where is my vitality? Where is my spirit? Where is my fun? I seem to have lost my drive. I try to keep up appearances for my children, but it is SO hard, and I know it’s affecting them. I know it’s affecting my husband. So how do I stop it? How do I get that drive back?
So, I have struggled with depression for over half of my life. Even spent some time in the hospital battling my demons. I’ll have times where I’m doing really well, and then times where it just feels like nothing can go right. Currently, I am in the “nothing can go right” mentality, and I wish I could just snap out of it, but I just can’t seem to. All I want to do is curl up and read my books or sleep. Even playing with my kids is a chore, and I find myself short-tempered with them A LOT.
The only thing that seems to help is when I give MYSELF a time out. This gives me a chance to regroup and face my family again. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t always let me have this time. I think my husband has realized that something needs to give though because last night, he put me in TIME OUT.
I LOVE YOU HONEY!!!!