Have you ever felt “blah”. Like everything is gray. That’s me lately. I can’t seem to get up enthusiasm for anything. I just want to curl up in bed and read or watch TV. I just want to cry. Truthfully, I don’t know what I want. I have no life goals. No big ideas. I am just here. I get up in the morning, get the kids to school, get myself to work, dredge through the day, get the kids from school, get home and feed them or take them to events, sometimes have a meeting of my own, then go to bed. Just to do the same thing all over the next day. Where is my vitality? Where is my spirit? Where is my fun? I seem to have lost my drive. I try to keep up appearances for my children, but it is SO hard, and I know it’s affecting them. I know it’s affecting my husband. So how do I stop it? How do I get that drive back?
A dinosaur and dragon
Dance across the blue sky
As a dolphin dives over a daisy
And a ghostly goat
Floats through a gate
Of gooey gingerbread.
So, I have struggled with depression for over half of my life. Even spent some time in the hospital battling my demons. I’ll have times where I’m doing really well, and then times where it just feels like nothing can go right. Currently, I am in the “nothing can go right” mentality, and I wish I could just snap out of it, but I just can’t seem to. All I want to do is curl up and read my books or sleep. Even playing with my kids is a chore, and I find myself short-tempered with them A LOT.
The only thing that seems to help is when I give MYSELF a time out. This gives me a chance to regroup and face my family again. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t always let me have this time. I think my husband has realized that something needs to give though because last night, he put me in TIME OUT.
I LOVE YOU HONEY!!!!
A din lives and sings in my head,
Colliding with a fantasy
Of a slippery, green chameleon
That blends with the dark tapestry
Casting shadows over my eye.
The other day, my son decided he did not want to come inside. My husband wanted to mow the lawn, and he didn’t want our son in the way, so he brought him inside. For the entire time that my husband was mowing the lawn, our son was laying on the floor by the door throwing a temper tantrum, screaming that he wanted to go outside. I tried to bribe him with a sucker to get him off the floor, to no avail. HE WANTED OUTSIDE!
Finally, I just let him be, keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. Now, we had a friend over at the time, and all I could think was that she must think I’m a terrible mother, just letting my son thrash around on the floor like that throwing a tantrum. It took A LONG TIME, but finally he started quieting down, and I was able to get him to sit in my lap with a sucker. Tantrum complete!
Now, I have heard several different things when it comes to children throwing tantrums, and at one point in time, I have tried them all. But it is hard!!!! I would be grateful for any suggestions or recommendations from other mothers out there!
My daughter has recently discovered her feet. Normally a happy girl, when her feet are free, she is downright giddy! Giggles escape as she tries to reach her foot to her mouth.
As I was watching her this morning, it amazed me how she could contort in such a way that she could actually suck on her toes. I can’t even imagine being that flexible! (Though I’m sure my husband would love it if I was.)
I am trying to capture this adorable sight on film so that I can show her when she’s older. Maybe I’ll post it at her graduation party!
My son is going through a stage… one that I’m not sure I like. At four years old, he sometimes acts like a teenager. One thing that he loves to do is try to play favorites. If he doesn’t like when I tell him, “No”, he then moves on to daddy. “Daddy, you’re my favorite. You’re my best friend.” The opposite occurs when my husband tells him, “No.” This week, my son is showing his independence, and not liking the consequences. He loves to carry around little figurines, Batman, Flash, Mr. Freeze, etc. My husband made the comment this morning that at times it seems like he loves his figurines more than us. Looking back at this last week, I can see why he feels that way.
On Sunday evenings, my son has swimming class. He takes these classes at the local YMCA. This YMCA has a nice kids’ area with a little duck slide. After class this last Sunday, my son decided he was not ready to leave. He wanted to play on the duck slide. Ten minutes later, after much coaxing from me and the lifeguard, he just smiled at me as if it was a game and ran off into the pool some more. I finally had enough and waded into the water (thankfully I was wearing shorts) and grabbed him. Kicking and screaming I was finally able to get him out of the pool. After getting him to the car, still in his wet swim suit, I proceeded to tell him that a toy was going away. That made him even more upset than me dragging him out of the pool…..and that’s not all.
Recently, we got new trees planted on our street… near the street of course. Earlier this week, he decided that he wanted to touch the tree. Of course, I didn’t want him going near the street. Smiling at me, he started heading for the tree. I warned him that if he touched the tree I would take a man away. He just continued backing up and finally made a run for the tree. He then ran back to me shouting,”I touched the tree, Mama.” So… I took a man away. The entire ride to daycare, my son proceeded to scream bloody murder because I took a man away. He only stopped when my husband gave him the man back to put in his car seat for after school…. And that’s not all.
Last night, my son wanted to play in the backyard when we got home from school. My husband took him to the backyard for a bit, but then wanted to come in to eat. My son wanted none of that. He wanted to stay outside and play. Finally, my husband picked him up and carried him in kicking and screaming. He took him to the living room and took off his rain boots (yes, rain boots… that is what my son wanted to wear yesterday even though it wasn’t raining). My son grabbed his boots and ran straight for the back door. He proceeded to scream and cry that he was going to go outside by himself and we weren’t invited, while tugging his boots on. Now, don’t get me wrong… I was so proud of him for putting his boots on by himself (and on the right feet no less), but enough was enough. TIME OUT!!!!! Oh that did not go over well. He didn’t like mommy or daddy after that. And, another toy was taken away…. you can imagine how well that went.
So, now we get to this morning. I was busy putting our 5-month-old in her car seat, and he decided that I was the only one that could help him get his coat on. After trying to persuade him, my husband finally gave up and… you guessed it… took a toy away for disobeying. Well, after that my husband was, “Stupid, daddy.” I sense a theme…. Another toy was taken away. The entire ride this morning was all about his men. “I want my men back”. “Give me my men back.” “I don’t like you.” I wonder where my husband got the idea that our son may at times love his figurines more than us.
I also wonder how pick up from school will go today. Wish me luck!